Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Girlfriend is Like a Bus

My son tells his friends: ‘Since I haven’t found the right girl, I might as well spend time with the wrong girls.’ Am I shocked? Does someone have to pick me off the floor? Certainly not! His opinion isn’t really contradictory with the advice I give him.

‘Don’t have just one girlfriend/boyfriend,’ I always remind my kids. ‘Have a dozen so you could put them in a row and choose the best one.’ How else would you know that Angeline is better than Brianna or Connie if you knew only Angeline—or Diane or Emily or…

I was fond of telling them that a boyfriend or girlfriend is like a bus. When you miss one, don’t worry. Another one will come along. And if all the buses have left or are full, you can always get a taxi! My kids are amused but searching for a mate is no laughing matter.

I think finding a soul-mate should be done at leisure, not in a hurry, not desperately and certainly not posting little mental notes to yourself. Notes like these sound desperate and pathetic: Please let it be this one. I’m tired of chasing/hunting/meeting the wrong ones.  All my friends are married. I’m the only one among my friends who’s single and people are thinking nobody wants me.

It’s your life. To hell with what people think when they see you still enjoying your singlehood at whatever age you are.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. If the girl is not right for you, it’s better to stay as good, platonic friends instead of tying the knot (because you have been together for a year, two years, five years) and later regretting the decision. Imagine waking up to see your mistake staring at you every morning of your entire life!

A mistake? You will know if the girl is not right. You may not know it immediately especially when you’ve just met her and the bright halo above her head interferes with your view. You think she’s an angel sent from heaven but over time when the newness has worn out somewhat, you may have doubts nagging at you now and then. Is she too full of herself? Is she overly jealous and possessive? Too clinging? Does she depend on you to make her happy or to amuse her? Doesn’t she have her own interests and circle of friends? Does she talk badly of former boyfriends? Is she spiteful? Vengeful? Hey, I can go on and on but I know you get the picture.

Now let’s say you’ve found your soul-mate. Make sure you don’t do all the rotten things you find disgusting in others. A wife is not an extension of you. She’s not like a new bathroom added to the house. Like you, she is her own person, entitled to her own opinions, free to have her own interests and friends.

You marry someone because you care for her. You ask her to share your life because you feel, and hope, you can make each other happy. You don’t marry someone because of the things you know she can do for you!

You want someone to cook for you? Wash and iron your clothes? Mop the kitchen floor and do the windows? Polish the car? Mow the lawn? Hey, what you need here is a maid. Even a maid doesn’t usually polish the car and mow the grass. And the maid needs to be paid her wages and treated well so she won’t go looking for a new employer.

Many men make the deadly mistake of taking their wives for granted, expecting them to do all the household chores and forgetting to pay for their services at the end of the month. In fact some men don’t even notice the sparkling stove, the clean sheets and washed dishes. But they get upset when dinner is late or the missing buttons on their shirts are unsewn. Is it a wonder so many wives feel they are treated worse that housemaids?

Okay-okay-okay, I know I’m veering off the subject.

When you have the girls all lined up—mentally, you don’t tell them to actually line up unless you want them to think you’re crazy and they should run away—remember, the right girl may not be the prettiest or the smartest. She may not laugh at all your jokes. She may not agree with all the things you say but she will let you have your say and will listen to your repeat jokes and will still respect and love you. The right girl is willing to take your hand and trust you enough to face an uncharted future together with you. Treat her like you would a good friend—with respect, consideration and kindness.

Keep in mind that marriage is a partnership and just like any business undertaking, you need to work at it to make it a success.

‘Life’s not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow.’ Terri Guillemets

Picture from Google Images


  1. Ooh!! I like this post!! *wink*

  2. very true! thts y i'm still single! =p

  3. Wise piece of advice, Tina. Please allow me to give the link of this particular entry to my bachelor brother. It annoys me that he keeps giving me the same reason for not staying long with any girlfriends -- they are not beautiful enough to his eyes. He needs to read this!

    Cheers, Tina. x

  4. Thanks for dropping in, everyone! Good advice, eh?? Take your time and have fun while you're looking for that soul-mate. When you're married you want the union to last forever so you have to be sure you found the 'best candidate' in the line-up! Hehe.. Yes, Gunaqz, pass the link to your brother.

  5. That is a very practical advise you give to your children.. Seriously, it's very difficult to trust people nowadays. I mean, stories can never stop coming. Let's just try not to be part of the sad statistic of people who sort of married the wrong person...

  6. Hi Dominic! Thanks for visiting. It is said that the people we meet are put in our path to make us the best that we can be. Maybe that's why we also meet people who are difficult or untrustworthy. If you're still searching for the perfect mate... good luck!!