Thursday, October 07, 2010

Funny Jokes about Aging

A laugh is a smile that bursts. MARY H. WALDRIP

Raymond Hitchcock said: A man isn’t poor if he can still laugh. I haven't heard of him but that's not important. I just want to share some jokes I found online so you can let your smile burst and feel rich even if your purse is half-empty. (Half-full sounds so awkward.)

Recently I went to the doctor for my annual physical.

The nurse asked me how much I weighed. I told her 135 pounds. Then she weighed me and the scale said 160.
She asked me how tall I was. I said, "5 feet, 5 inches." She measured me and I was only 5 feet, 3 inches.
Then she took my blood pressure and told me it was high.
"Of course it's high," I said. "When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now I'm short and fat!"

Do you find yourself looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?" If so, you'll love this one!

I was sitting in the waiting room of my new dentist. It was my first appointment. I noticed his diploma on the wall, which had his full name.
Suddenly, I recalled a tall, dark haired, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class nearly 50 years ago. Could this be the same boy I had a secret crush on, way back then?
When I saw him, however, I quickly discarded that thought. This gray haired, balding man with the deeply wrinkled face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm! Or could he?
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Northampton High School.
"Yes, I did!" he said. "I'm a Konkrete Kid." He gleamed with pride.
"What year did you graduate?" I asked.
"In 1959," he said. "Why do you ask?"
"I was in your class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, wrinkled, old, fat, bald, gray, decrepit SOB asked, "What did you teach?"

A well dressed, debonair man in his mid nineties enters an upscale cocktail lounge and finds a seat next to a good looking, younger woman in her mid eighties, at the most. Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

A couple in their nineties were having trouble remembering things so they went to their doctor for checkups. The doctor told them that they were both physically fine and advised them to write things down to help them remember.

Later that evening while watching television, the husband got up from his chair to go to the kitchen for a snack. He asked his wife if she wanted anything.
"Could you bring me a bowl of ice cream?" she asked.
"Sure," he replied.
"Do you think you should write that down to remember it?" she asked.
"No, I can remember that," he said.
"I'd like some strawberries on it, too. Do you need to write that down?" she said.
"No, I can remember that, too. Ice cream with strawberries," he said, becoming a little irritated.
"I'd like some whipped cream on it, too. Can you remember all that? The doctor said you should write things down," she said.
"For goodness sakes, I can remember that. I don't need to write it down. A bowl of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream," he said, now more than a little irritated.
Off he went to the kitchen. About 20 minutes later he returned with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife stared at it for a moment and said, "Where's my toast?"

No comments:

Post a Comment